Values Clarification Exercise: Worksheet to Understand What Matters to You
Sometimes we feel lost because our daily life has moved away from what matters to us.
We may be caring for others, working hard, meeting expectations, and doing many things “right” and still feel disconnected from ourselves.
This values clarification exercise can help you pause and look at four important areas of your life: relationships, work or learning, health, and leisure. It can help you notice what matters to you, how close your current actions are to those values, and what might be getting in the way.
The exercise is inspired by values-based approaches used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, including the Bull’s-Eye Values Survey developed by Tobias Lundgren and colleagues.
This exercise is for reflection and self-understanding. It is not a diagnostic tool and does not replace therapy or medical care. If the questions feel overwhelming, pause and consider exploring them with a qualified professional.
What are values?
Values are not the same as goals.
A goal is something you can complete, such as “find a new job,” “move to a new city,” or “finish a course.”
A value is a direction you can keep living, such as honesty, care, courage, creativity, freedom, stability, learning, or connection.
For example:
| Goal | Value behind it |
|---|---|
| Change jobs | Growth, autonomy, purpose |
| Spend more time with family | Connection, love, presence |
| Start therapy | Self-care, courage, honesty |
| Set boundaries | Self-respect, balance, protection |
| Create something | Creativity, expression, contribution |
If you would like to explore more examples, you can look through this list of common values to help you understand what matters to you.
You do not need to know your life purpose before doing this exercise. You only need to notice what feels important now.
Values Alignment Check-In
Take 15-25 minutes. You can write your answers in a notebook, on your phone, or reflect on them.
Try not to look for perfect answers. Honest answers are more useful.
Step 1: Look at four areas of your life
We will explore four life areas:
1. Relationships
This includes your partner, family, friends, children, community, and the way you connect with others and yourself.
Ask yourself:
What kind of person do I want to be in my relationships?
Examples:
- present instead of distracted
- honest but kind
- warm and reliable
- able to ask for help
- less defensive during conflict
- more open with people I trust
Write your own answers:
In my relationships, I want to be someone who is…
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
2. Work, learning, or contribution
This may include your career, studies, creative projects, volunteering, parenting, caregiving, or any way you contribute to life.
Ask yourself:
What qualities do I want to bring into what I do?
Examples:
- doing useful work
- learning instead of proving myself
- creating something meaningful
- acting with integrity
- being responsible without losing myself
- contributing in a way that feels human
Write your own answers:
In work, learning, or contribution, I want to be someone who is…
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
3. Health and personal care
This includes your body, emotional life, rest, routines, boundaries, recovery, and the way you treat yourself.
Ask yourself:
How do I want to care for myself?
Examples:
- listening to my limits
- sleeping enough
- moving my body with care, not punishment
- speaking to myself with more respect
- asking for support earlier
- making space for recovery
Write your own answers:
In my health and personal care, I want to be someone who is…
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
4. Joy, growth, and free time
This includes play, creativity, nature, spirituality, hobbies, rest, curiosity, and the parts of life that make you feel alive.
Ask yourself:
What helps my life feel more spacious, alive, or truly mine?
Examples:
- spending time in nature
- making things with my hands
- reading, music, or art
- being curious
- having unstructured time
- trying something new
- laughing more often
Write your own answers:
In joy, growth, and free time, I want to make space for…
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
Step 2: Rate how close your life feels to your values
Now rate how closely your recent actions match your values in each area.
Use this scale:
1 = very far from how I want to live
10 = very close to how I want to live
This is not a test. It is a snapshot.
| Life area | My alignment today |
|---|---|
| Relationships | ___ / 10 |
| Work, learning, or contribution | ___ / 10 |
| Health and personal care | ___ / 10 |
| Joy, growth, and free time | ___ / 10 |
Pause and notice your reaction.
Which score feels painful? Which score feels better than expected? Which area seems to ask for your attention?
Step 3: Choose one area to explore
Choose the area with the lowest score, or simply the area that feels most important right now.
Then answer these questions.
1. What matters to me here?
_________________________________
Example:
I want to be more emotionally present with people I love.
2. What do I usually do when I move away from this value?
Examples:
- avoid difficult conversations
- overwork
- isolate
- scroll instead of resting
- say yes when I mean no
- wait until I feel confident before acting
- become critical of myself
- keep myself busy to avoid feeling something
Your answer:
_________________________________
3. What usually pulls me away?
Examples:
- fear of disappointing people
- guilt
- tiredness
- perfectionism
- conflict avoidance
- shame
- pressure to achieve
- “It is too late to change”
- “Other people need me more”
- “I should be able to handle this alone”
Your answer:
_________________________________
4. What would one small step toward this value look like?
Examples:
- send one honest message
- take a proper lunch break
- go for a walk without headphones
- book a medical appointment
- say no to one unnecessary obligation
- spend 30 minutes on something creative
- ask someone for support
- have one conversation I have been avoiding
Your answer:
_________________________________
Step 4: Choose one small action for this week
Try to make the action small enough that you can actually do it.
Not:
I will completely change my life.
But:
I will take one 20-minute walk after work on Wednesday without checking my phone.
Or:
I will tell one friend honestly how I have been feeling.
Complete the sentence:
This week, I will move closer to my values by:
_________________________________
I will do it on:
_________________________________
Something that might get in the way is:
_________________________________
If that happens, I can support myself by:
_________________________________
Reflection questions
After completing the exercise, take a few minutes to reflect.
- Which area of life surprised me?
- Where am I already living closer to my values than I expected?
- Where is the biggest gap between what matters and how I actually live?
- What have I been ignoring?
- What small action would help me respect myself this week?
- If I lived 5% closer to my values, what would change first?
A gentle reminder
You do not need to score 10/10 in every area.
The goal is not to become a perfect person with a perfectly balanced life. The goal is to notice where your life is asking for more attention, honesty, and care.
Values are not rules. They are directions.
You can return to them, even after a long time away.
Sometimes one honest question opens more than we expected. If you would like to explore your answers with support, you are welcome to book a session.
References
This exercise is inspired by values-based approaches used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the idea that values can help people notice what matters to them and take small actions in that direction.
Lundgren, T., Luoma, J. B., Dahl, J., Strosahl, K., & Melin, L. The Bull’s-Eye Values Survey: A Psychometric Evaluation. This study evaluates the Bull’s-Eye Values Survey, a tool designed to explore personal values, values-action gaps, and barriers to values-based living. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232239325_The_Bull%27s-Eye_Values_Survey_A_Psychometric_Evaluation
Harris, R. The Happiness Trap: Extra Bits — Worksheets and Handouts. These ACT-based worksheets include practical values exercises and client-friendly reflection tools. https://thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Complete_Worksheets_2014.pdf
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. A foundational book on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, including the use of values and committed action in psychological flexibility.