Values Clarification Worksheet: Understand What Matters to You

October 15, 2026

Caspar David Friedrich, Woman at a Window (1822). Wikimedia Commons.

Sometimes we feel lost because our daily life has moved away from what matters to us.

We may be caring for others, working hard, meeting expectations, and doing many things “right” and still feel disconnected from ourselves.

This values clarification exercise can help you pause and look at four important areas of your life: relationships, work or learning, health, and leisure. It can help you notice what matters to you, how close your current actions are to those values, and what might be getting in the way.

The exercise is inspired by values-based approaches used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, including the Bull’s-Eye Values Survey developed by Tobias Lundgren and colleagues.

This exercise is for reflection and self-understanding. It is not a diagnostic tool and does not replace therapy or medical care. If the questions feel overwhelming, pause and consider exploring them with a qualified professional.

What are values?

Values are not the same as goals.

A goal is something you can complete, such as “find a new job,” “move to a new city,” or “finish a course.”

A value is a direction you can keep living, such as honesty, care, courage, creativity, freedom, stability, learning, or connection.

For example:

Goal	Value behind it
Change jobs	Growth, autonomy, purpose
Spend more time with family	Connection, love, presence
Start therapy	Self-care, courage, honesty
Set boundaries	Self-respect, balance, protection
Create something	Creativity, expression, contribution

If you would like to explore more examples, you can look through this list of common values to help you understand what matters to you.

You do not need to know your life purpose before doing this exercise. You only need to notice what feels important now.

Values Alignment Check-In

Take 15-25 minutes. You can write your answers in a notebook, on your phone, or reflect on them.

Try not to look for perfect answers. Honest answers are more useful.

Step 1: Look at four areas of your life

We will explore four life areas:

1. Relationships

This includes your partner, family, friends, children, community, and the way you connect with others and yourself.

Ask yourself:

What kind of person do I want to be in my relationships?

Examples:

present instead of distracted
honest but kind
warm and reliable
able to ask for help
less defensive during conflict
more open with people I trust

Write your own answers:In my relationships, I want to be someone who is…

2. Work, learning, or contribution

This may include your career, studies, creative projects, volunteering, parenting, caregiving, or any way you contribute to life.

Ask yourself:

What qualities do I want to bring into what I do?

Examples:

doing useful work
learning instead of proving myself
creating something meaningful
acting with integrity
being responsible without losing myself
contributing in a way that feels human

Write your own answers:In work, learning, or contribution, I want to be someone who is…

3. Health and personal care

This includes your body, emotional life, rest, routines, boundaries, recovery, and the way you treat yourself.

Ask yourself:

How do I want to care for myself?

Examples:

listening to my limits
sleeping enough
moving my body with care, not punishment
speaking to myself with more respect
asking for support earlier
making space for recovery

Write your own answers:In my health and personal care, I want to be someone who is…

4. Joy, growth, and free time

This includes play, creativity, nature, spirituality, hobbies, rest, curiosity, and the parts of life that make you feel alive.

Ask yourself:

What helps my life feel more spacious, alive, or truly mine?

Examples:

spending time in nature
making things with my hands
reading, music, or art
being curious
having unstructured time
trying something new
laughing more often

Write your own answers:In joy, growth, and free time, I want to make space for…

Step 2: Rate how close your life feels to your values

Now rate how closely your recent actions match your values in each area.

Use this scale:

1 = very far from how I want to live

10 = very close to how I want to live

This is not a test. It is a snapshot.

RelationshipsMy alignment todayWork, learning, or contributionMy alignment todayHealth and personal careMy alignment todayJoy, growth, and free timeMy alignment today

Pause and notice your reaction.

Which score feels painful?
Which score feels better than expected?
Which area seems to ask for your attention?

Step 3: Choose one area to explore

Choose the area with the lowest score, or simply the area that feels most important right now.

Then answer these questions.

1. What matters to me here?

Example:

I want to be more emotionally present with people I love.

2. What do I usually do when I move away from this value?

Examples:

avoid difficult conversations
overwork
isolate
scroll instead of resting
say yes when I mean no
wait until I feel confident before acting
become critical of myself
keep myself busy to avoid feeling something

Your answer:

3. What usually pulls me away?

Examples:

fear of disappointing people
guilt
tiredness
perfectionism
conflict avoidance
shame
pressure to achieve
“It is too late to change”
“Other people need me more”
“I should be able to handle this alone”

Your answer:

4. What would one small step toward this value look like?

Examples:

send one honest message
take a proper lunch break
go for a walk without headphones
book a medical appointment
say no to one unnecessary obligation
spend 30 minutes on something creative
ask someone for support
have one conversation I have been avoiding

Your answer:

Step 4: Choose one small action for this week

Try to make the action small enough that you can actually do it.

Not:

I will completely change my life.

But:

I will take one 20-minute walk after work on Wednesday without checking my phone.

Or:

I will tell one friend honestly how I have been feeling.

Complete the sentence:

This week, I will move closer to my values by:

I will do it on:

Something that might get in the way is:

If that happens, I can support myself by:

Reflection questions

After completing the exercise, take a few minutes to reflect.

1. Which area of life surprised me?

2. Where am I already living closer to my values than I expected?

3. Where is the biggest gap between what matters and how I actually live?

4. What have I been ignoring?

5. What small action would help me respect myself this week?

6. If I lived 5% closer to my values, what would change first?

A gentle reminder

You do not need to score 10/10 in every area.

The goal is not to become a perfect person with a perfectly balanced life. The goal is to notice where your life is asking for more attention, honesty, and care.

Values are not rules. They are directions.

You can return to them, even after a long time away.

Sometimes one honest question opens more than we expected. If you would like to explore your answers with support, you are welcome to book a session.

References

This exercise is inspired by values-based approaches used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the idea that values can help people notice what matters to them and take small actions in that direction.

Lundgren, T., Luoma, J. B., Dahl, J., Strosahl, K., & Melin, L.
The Bull’s-Eye Values Survey: A Psychometric Evaluation.
This study evaluates the Bull’s-Eye Values Survey, a tool designed to explore personal values, values-action gaps, and barriers to values-based living.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232239325_The_Bull%27s-Eye_Values_Survey_A_Psychometric_Evaluation

Harris, R.
The Happiness Trap: Extra Bits — Worksheets and Handouts.
These ACT-based worksheets include practical values exercises and client-friendly reflection tools.
https://thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Complete_Worksheets_2014.pdf

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change.
A foundational book on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, including the use of values and committed action in psychological flexibility.

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What are values?

Values Alignment Check-In

Step 1: Look at four areas of your life

1. Relationships

2. Work, learning, or contribution

3. Health and personal care

4. Joy, growth, and free time

Step 2: Rate how close your life feels to your values

Step 3: Choose one area to explore

Step 4: Choose one small action for this week

Reflection questions

A gentle reminder

References

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